Into the Mind
by Lina Cross
Summary: Several oneshots concerning what went through our heroine's head as she made her journey. LSFExile.
1. The Sound of Silence

**Whenever I played KOTOR 2, I always thought about what the exile might actually be thinking along the way. I might do more than one chapter, might not, just at scattered points throughout the game. Also, the dialogue and actions will be a bit off from the game to avoid annoying repetition.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Knights of the Old Republic or any of its characters.**

**. . .**

**Peragus.**

Even when I was sent into exile, after I became deaf to the universe around me, I never thought I'd enter a world so quiet. My thin shoes made a muted clanking sound as I cautiously walked through the facility, feeling the unexplained need to keep even my breathing quiet. I seemed to be in a control room of sorts, a place where I could probably send a distress signal. Then Kreia and I would be able to leave this forsaken place.

I heard them before I saw them. Three droids emerged from hiding, but they didn't surprise me. I dispatched them as easily as the others, without very much thought to them. Their aim, as always, was terrible, and they were armed with only mining lasers, nothing more. I looked around to be sure no more would come, then began searching for more items that might be of use to me. There was a door off to my left, so I opened it with the push of a button. There could be weapons better than the rusty sword I was using.

When I stepped into the room, however, I found something far different from a weapon.

"Well, hello there." said the man sitting on the floor of the holding cell. "Nice outfit. Did you miners change dress code regulations while I was in here? Can't say I'm disappointed."

"Who are you?" I asked, voice oddly quiet. Interesting. I couldn't manage to shake the need for silence.

"The name's Atton. Atton Rand." he said, getting to his feet. "Excuse me if I don't shake your hand. The field causes only mild electrical burns."

"Fun." I commented. "What are you doing in here?"

"They said I violated some trumped-up regulation or another." he said casually. I figured he'd be leaning against the side of the field at this point if it wouldn't harm him. He seemed more calm than the situation allowed. "They stopped listening to me shortly before they stopped feeding me. If you want to know more, take it up with security."

"If I could find them, I would." I said. "As it stands, everyone is dead."

"Dead?" he asked, showing no surprise. "Well, I guess that explains why nobody's shown up. Though, to be honest, I didn't expect anyone to, anyway."

"Look, just tell me what this place is." I said. "I don't like it, and I want to know how to get off."

Atton chuckled. "You mean you didn't come here on purpose? I'm shocked, truly." I narrowed my eyes, but he continued. "It's called Peragus. A mining facility. And if you want to leave, I suggest you start by getting a ship."

"Well, what happened here?" I asked instead, hoping he might have a better answer for me.

"Before, or after the Jedi?" he asked, surprising me. What Jedi? Kreia? "Either way, story's pretty short. See, this Jedi showed up, and, of course, that means trouble." he said easily. "But some of the miners got it into their incredibly witty heads that, since the Jedi was unconscious, they could collect the bounty the Exchange has posted for live Jedi. Of course, what passes for the law around here didn't exactly take to that idea, and the two sides started fighting. Then there was some explosion, I was sitting here for a long time... Then you showed up in your underwear and things got a whole lot better."

I rolled my eyes, not exactly embarrassed. "You're _real_ smooth, aren't you?" I observed cynically.

He blinked, looking at me with a curious expression. "Hang on a second... You're that Jedi, aren't you? The one they brought in here."

No, idiot. If I was a Jedi, I wouldn't be talking to you in my underwear, now, would I? "Listen, are you useful or not? I don't have to let you out of here if there's no point." I said.

"Judging from the fact that you know _nothing _about this facility, I'd say I'm pretty damn useful to you." he said calmly. "You gonna get me out of here, or what?"

I narrowed my eyes a little. "Fine. But the first sign of you being untrustworthy, your head hits the ground, okay?"

"As fond as I am of you interrogating me in your underwear, I really think we should get a move on." he suggested. I hit the button on the panel, and the yellow field descended around him. "Great. You got a name, sweetheart, or should I just call you Charming and be done with it?"

I regarded him for a moment. "Jess. Jess Rindor."

"Well, _Jess_, how's about we see if we can't find a ship." he said with a smirk, gesturing for me to exit the room first.


	2. Danger Zones

**Dormitories of Peragus.**

Looting was not my issue. These people didn't need their worldly possessions anymore, so I didn't feel too terrible about taking them. My problem was the fact that there were no survivors whatsoever. I had thought, even though it was unlikely, that maybe _someone_ besides myself, Kreia, and Atton had made it.

"Hey, just checking in." Atton said into the comm link. "Find anybody?"

"No." I said, looking around at the miserable sight before me. "Everyone's dead."

"All of them? Are you sure?"

"Their bodies are scattered in front of me, Atton." I snapped with more venom than I meant. "And... there was a hololog... A video. I could see it happening. They were gassed by Coorta while he was trying to escape."

"That must be why the ventilation systems went haywire." he commented.

"Yeah."

"Hey, get yourself back up here as soon as you can, okay? I don't like the look of that ship that just docked."

"Got it. Jess Rindor out."

**. . .**

**Ebon Hawk.**

I left to cockpit to check on Kreia. To be honest, checking on her wasn't at the top of my list of priorities. It was definitely up there, but not the top. Especially because of how cryptic she always was with me. As I walked through the ship, I passed a room I hadn't explored yet. It seemed to be a communications room, so I stepped in to take a quick look at the terminal. I could access all the security cameras from here. The cargo bay, the dormitories, engine room, cockpit... I lingered on that feed for a moment. I knew Atton was in the pilot's chair, but after flipping through all the other feeds that showed only empty rooms, the sight of him was welcome.

Then I noticed his expression. He was concentration on the controls, but he looked a little too guarded. Even when no one was in the room, he hid himself. Who was he hiding from? And what was he hiding?

**. . .**

**Citadel Station.**

"Great. We aren't even here for two seconds and already we've been arrested and there's been an attempt on our lives." I said as we walked through the apartment complex. "Can this get any better?"

"The excitement never ends." Atton agreed.

"I mean, seriously, when-" I gasped. "What is this? What is that? Is that _grass_?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"I haven't seen _grass_ in who knows how long!" I exclaimed, immediately flopping onto the vegetation growing in the middle of the complex. "It's so soft..."

Atton stood over me, looking mildly concerned, but mostly confused. "Uh... Are you okay?"

"I'm great! Come here, see for yourself!" I said, taking his arm and pulling him down next to me.

He hit the ground with a thud. "What are you doing?"

"_Not_ being attacked for once." I answered. "Enjoy it."

"Not for long. We must continue." Kreia said. "I do not wish to be here any more than the situation allows."

I rolled my eyes. "But if we leave, we'll just get attacked by more Sith or get hunted down by more people or get arrested by more police for something we blew up. I think we're pretty safe here."

"As much as I hate to admit it, the old crone is right." Atton said. "It doesn't matter where we are. The Sith are going to track you down no matter what. We need to finish up whatever business we have here and get a move on."

I sighed. "Fine. We'll go get our stuff and then see Chodo Habat."

"Then we must be swift." Kreia said.

**. . .**

**TSF Station.**

"What do you mean, _gone_?" I snapped. "How do you _lose_ an entire ship?"

"There are records of the ship being moved to the surface of Telos." said the annoying droid.

"_Why_?"

"The reason is unknown. We will look into the matter and see what can be done, but I would suggest waiting until another ship arrives if you wish to leave."

"You know, I'm sure it wouldn't be _that_ hard to sever the wiring connecting your cerebral chord to your motor circuits. I could just-"

"Heading over to the dark side," Atton sang behind me.

"Shut it, Rand. Have you forgotten I picked up a vibroblade when we fought that guy by the Cantina?" I snapped.

"Will you relax?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "_I want my boat back_!"

"Calm yourself." said Kreia. "We will think of a plan."

I sighed, then turned back to the droid and leaned against the desk. "Can I at least get my stuff back?"

"Certainly. The rest of your items were kept in a secondary storage area. Right through that room." it said, gesturing to the door that just whooshed open.

"Thanks." I said, pushing away from the desk and heading into the room full of lockers. I emptied every one of them into a pile on the floor. The pile was actually pretty sizable.

"Congratulations." Atton said dryly. "You've managed to fill every single storage locker with all the schutta you carry."

"Relax. I saw some merchants on our way here. We can sell most of this." I said, loading it all into my various bags and pockets. "But, you know, if we actually had a ship, this wouldn't be a problem."

"You are going to bitch about that all day, aren't you?"

"Yes I am."

**. . .**

**That last part was based off an actual occurrence. When I went get all my crap back from the TSF, my sister and I laughed at how every locker was filled with it. I was thinking I could just raid the ones that weren't mine, but you can't exactly steal what you already own. -_-**


	3. Juma Juice

**Citadel Station.**

As the trio left the Ithorian compound, Atton watched Jess lead the way. "Broken Jedi," she muttered angrily. Odd. No one had uttered that phrase since the assassin at the TCF station.

"Hey, old Bag-o-Bones," he said, putting his arm amiably around Kreia's shoulders. "Shouldn't you go check on the apartment?"

"Do not touch me." she said lowly, forcibly removing his arm. He backed off a little, surprised at her strength. "And why would I need to check on the apartment? I do not like it there, anyway. What purpose would it serve?"

"But someone could be robbing it as we speak." he admonished. "We've seen how easy it is."

"Yes. What was her justification for that, again?" the old woman asked wearily.

"Oh, you said something deep and cynical, like, 'Possessions are lesser men's only joy. We should not take that from them.' And Jess went ahead and said, 'It is their pride, it is their joy... It is also their fault they did not lock the door. Come on, I found a computer spike.'" Atton supplied happily.

Kreia gave a long-suffering sigh. "I suppose I could use the rest. Don't do anything stupid."

"Me? Do anything stupid?" he asked. "Go on, have a nice power nap. We'll be around if you need us."

"No doubt." she muttered as she walked away.

Once she was out of earshot, the pilot jogged up next to Jess. "Hey... you okay?" he asked. "You look kinda tense."

"You are the _king_ of understatements, you know that?" she observed. "I just... don't feel safe here." she admitted.

"That's not a surprise." he snorted. "We got arrested the second we touched metal here."

"No, I'm not talking about that." she said, shaking her head as they walked. "It's Peragus. That was a living nightmare. But here, people get into fights about spilling drinks on someone's lap, and they want to kill each other over it! And the air vents. Every time I see heat waves, I think it's another Sith assassin ready to crawl out of the paint and kill me."

"Hey, it's not that bad." he said. "You're just a little on edge. But, for the moment, we're safe. The Sith aren't here, Peragus has been blown up, and there aren't any droids trying to kill you."

She closed her eyes and took a breath. "Yeah. I guess."

He smiled a little. "So here's what we're gonna do. We'll head on over to the Cantina, order ourselves a couple rounds of Juma Juice..."

Her head lolled back and she groaned. "Atton, I have to meet that Czerka woman later, I don't have time for Juma Juice."

"Oh, you mean the one with the eyebrows?"

She snorted. "And the nose ring."

"Look, you don't _have _to do anything." he informed her. "You don't owe these people a thing. And, from what I've heard, Czerka's just a bunch of jerks who can't find anything better to spend their time on."

"Yes, but I need to hear their side if I'm going to do anything to fix this problem." she said.

"Nope. I refuse your refusal." he decided, pushing her into the Cantina as they walked by. "You need to relax a little."

"Atton, seriously-"

"I am _not_ taking no for an answer." he said, sitting at the bar and dragging her onto the stool next to him. "Two drinks, leave the bottle." he requested to the bartender. He turned back to Jess. "You know, I heard a couple of those Ithorians talking about you as we left the compound."

"Those gossipy tree-huggers." she said in mock-anger.

"They were saying something about your soul, and how you have the pain of an entire world bearing down on you." he continued.

She sighed, eyes averted. "Not an entire _world_, per sae..."

"I don't know anything about the eternal suffering of a planet, and I'm no genius where the soul's concerned, either." Atton said, pouring Juma Juice into two shot glasses and handing her one. "But I _do_ know that a little alcohol can help to lighten the spirit."

She looked at the contents of her glass with raised eyebrows. "You know, as a Jedi, I can't really get drunk, right?"

He shrugged. "Who said anything about getting drunk?"

**. . .**

"An' _that_ ish precisely why you never leave home without your blashter." Atton slurred, giving a large accompanying nod of the head, taking another swig of the Juice.

Jess watched him, temple resting on her left hand, an amused smile on her face. "Is that so?"

"Never told a truer story." he confirmed. "Now, you tell me. What do _you_ never leave home without?"

"You'd need a home for that." she said, turning back to her drink. "But if I was to answer, I'd say clothes."

He smirked. "Liar. The firsht time I met you, you were in your underwear."

"Those were special circumstances." she protested.

"Hey, I'm not complaining." he said, putting his hands up and nearly falling off the stool before he caught himself.

"Okay, I think it's time to go." Jess said, helping him off the stool and leaving a few credits on the counter. "Got a lot to do tomorrow."

Atton wasn't listening. He winked at a Twi'lek as they passed. "Hey, beautiful. Wanna come to my room?"

"Come on, lover boy." she said, renewing her pull on his arm. To her surprise, Jess didn't really mind dragging her pilot out of the Cantina, drunk off his ass. She'd had fun tonight, and that was something she hadn't expected to find again. When they made it back to the apartment, Kreia was gone, but had left a note saying she would be back before morning. Jess laid Atton down on one of the beds and took up a cross-legged position by the window. She wouldn't sleep, not now. Earlier, when all they could do was sleep, visions of Peragus had flashed behind her eyelids, making her rest distinctly _un_-restful. Atton had chuckled at her odd sleeping pattern; on the bed the first time, curled up on the floor the next, then on the chair. He teased her about it, saying she was like a pet lorynx, sleeping wherever and whenever she pleased. He seemed to have the rare effect of making a situation seem lighter than it truly was, as opposed to Kreia, who seemed to talk about echoes in the soul more than anything else.

Sometime later, it could have been hours or minutes, Atton awoke with a groan. "My head," he whined.

"You're the one who broke open the Juma Juice." Jess pointed out.

"Don't get smart with me." he told her. Then he peeked at her from under his hand. "Did you relax?"

Her posture turned prim. "I am never truly relaxed."

"I could recite poetry. Would that help?" he asked.

She made a face and went to sit beside his bed. "Poetry?"

"Yeah. Something like... 'When I was drunk, you were beautiful,'" he began, making her grin. "'Yet now that I am sober, you are considerably less attractive.'"

"That doesn't even rhyme." she laughed.

"Doesn't have to rhyme, Sweetheart. It's an art." he shot back. "Uh... you do know I was kidding, though, right?"

"Oh, I know." she assured him. "If you weren't, your head would have been removed from your shoulders about now."

"Ouch, again with the decapitation." he admonished, making a face. "Tell me, what is it with you and beheading?"

"Oh, I don't know." she sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest. "I think it's that your head doesn't really match your body."

"Oh, it doesn't?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," she said, seeming to examine him. "It's a tad too big."

"I can show you something else that's big."

"Ah, and here we go with the penis jokes."

"If you two are through wasting time," Kreia said sternly. The two looked up, not having noticed her. "We have a meeting with Czerka, and then we must help transport the Ithorians' new droid."

"Right. I'll get my belt." Jess said, getting to her feet as Atton sat up.

"We'll finish this conversation later, Sweetheart." he said with a wink.

"You wish, Juice-boy." she retorted as she left the room.

**. . .**

**So, apparently this is going to be on-an-off first and third person. Don't know why. That's just the way it's rolling right now.**


	4. Poor Atton

**Atris' Lair.**

"Hey, is Atton okay?" Jess asked, looking at his stirring form uncertainly.

"He is fine." Kreia said dryly. "Only weary."

She nudged him with her boot. "Well, get up. You can sleep on the ship." She turned to Bao Dur, who had already woken. "Are you alright, Bao Dur? Can you travel?"

"I think I will be fine, General." he said. "I just need a safe place to rest.

"Well, we'll be on the Ebon Hawk soon. I'll make sure you have a quiet place to sleep." she promised.

"What about me?" Atton asked.

"Flip the autopilot switch and sleep in the cockpit." she said. "You already got a nap."

He narrowed his eyes as she turned away. "'Oh, Atton, you look terrible!' 'Yes, that would be because an old witch dug through my head with her dirty fingernails.' 'Oh, poor Atton! Here, sleep in my bed! And why don't I join you, to keep you warm?' 'Yes, I would like that very much.'"

"Do you talk to yourself a lot?" Jess asked, turning to look at him.

"Only when I've had six hours of sleep in three days, your majesty." he said.

"Whatever. Just get the ship in the air, will you? I don't want Atris changing her mind on me."


	5. Jedi Senses

**Last Night on Citadel Station.**

The biggest sign that you're crazy is hearing a voice in your head.

That, or you're a Jedi, because then that stuff happens all the time.

As it was, as I tried to calm my mind and meditate, someone began speaking to me in a voice as deep and vast as the universe itself.

"_You have strayed far from home, young Jedi," _it said. _"And yet there is still much to come."_

"_I am no Jedi." _I answered. _"The right was taken from me a long time ago."_

"_You are who you are, and that does not change. Embrace your true self and succeed where others did not."_

"_But I am only one person."_

"_You must remember, Jedi. _You. Are. Not. Alone._"_

My eyes opened and I sat up, breathing slightly faster than normal.

Atton snorted on the bed next to mine. "Mh – huh? I'm up!" he said, sitting up. "Whasgoin' on?"

"You heard that?" I asked skeptically.

"Heard a noise..." he said, looking around in confusion as he became fully awake. "Why? What are you doing up?"

"I had a weird... dream, I guess you'd call it."

"Yeah, yeah, that's generally what happens when people sleep." he said in agreement.

I ignored the comment. "There was a voice." I told him. "I think it was... I dunno, like the voice of the Force or something."

"Sounds reasonable to me."

"Would you quit with the jokes?" I snapped, launching a pillow at him. "Sometimes they're not appreciated."

"Ah! Okay, okay, sorry." he said, rubbing the side of his head. "What did it say?"

I took a breath and looked at my toes. "'You are not alone.'"

**. . .**

**Nar Shaddaa.**

"I-I swear! I'll get your credits!" the man begged. This was the _third_ time I'd seen this today. In the three hours since we got here. This was, however, the first time I'd encountered the situation with a Wookie.

"Leave him alone!" I called, jumping into the fight.

"Jess! Stop!" Atton called.

"I'm coming, General!" Bao Dur called, following me.

"Oh, great." the pilot muttered as he also joined in.

I pulled out my sword and began hacking at the Wookie. And why not? I'd taken on Mandalorians bigger than him. However, I was unprepared for his animal-like viciousness, and when I went to strike his leg, he lifted me by the back of my cloak and threw me against a while. I'll admit, I was dazed for a few moments, but I managed to get back on my feet and finish the fight, thanks to the boys' blasters. Standing was proving difficult, however, as the ground kept spinning, so I sat quickly.

"What is the matter with you?" Atton snapped, hand on my arm as I put my head between my knees. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself concussed?"

"Wouldn't really make a difference." I said, voice sounding muffled.

"You got that right. 'The crazy flows strongly in this one'." he mocked, pulling me up. "Come on, let's move before someone else decides to shove your face into a wall."

**. . .**

**Still Nar Shaddaa**

The trio (plus droid-ball... thing) walked along the metal path when suddenly Atton noticed Jess slowing down. Then she stopped altogether and made a noise of discomfort, putting her face in her hands.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder. That was just great. The last thing they needed was for their maybe-Jedi to go nuts from head trauma.

"I'm feeling something... But it's like a sound." she said.

He nodded. "Feeling sounds. Yeah. That's perfectly sane."

"Oh, hang on, Kreia's talking to me again." she informed him.

Oddly enough, that was less crazy. Jess stood and made faces for a minute, then straightened up. "Are you in trouble?" he asked.

"No. Apparently what I'm hearing is the bare planet itself. All of its despair." she said, looking around. "This place is sad."

"Yeah, well, shut your ears then, because it doesn't stop." Atton told her.

"Is there anything I can do, General?" Bao Dur asked.

"Uh, yeah, actually." she said. "I need you to help me blow up a droid."

**. . .**

**Posting two chapters today since the last one was, like, a hundred words long. I actually wrote the previous chapter after his one, which is why the timeline is a little screwed up.**


	6. The Angst is Strong

**Nar Shaddaa Cantina**

"I thought you were too busy for drinks." Atton said with a smirk as the trio sat at the bar.

"Hey, we're not on any time-constraints here." Jess said, taking a swig of the Juma Juice the bar tender set before her. "I call this a mini-vacation."

"Sounds good to me." he agreed.

"Bao Dur, you want anything?" she asked.

"I suppose I can down a glass or two." the mechanic said, sitting beside Atton.

Jess turned on her stool and leaned against the bar, observing the crowd and trying not to let her boys know she was actually scanning for danger. Vacation or not, she was a target, and Nar Shaddaa was crawling with bounty hunters.

Over in the corner, there were several females of different races lined up. Each were very pretty and wearing as little clothing as possible. At the head of the line was a male Twi'lek watching a female of his kind dance. "No, no, no! That is all wrong! You dance like a wounded manticore! Go! All of you!"

"What do you think that's about?" Jess asked, jerking her chin towards the line-up.

Atton turned to look. "I don't know, but I wouldn't mind going to check it out."

Just then, the Twi'lek spotted them, then seemed to get incredibly excited. "We might not have to." she muttered as he ran over.

"You! You're perfect! Stand up, let me get a look at you!" he commanded.

Jess looked at the other two, then back at the Twi'lek. "Uh... Why?"

"Give him what he wants, Jess." Atton teased.

"I don't know, General. This seems a little off color." Bao Dur advised.

"No, no. Not off color." the Twi'lek insisted. "A simple job, but one I'm sure you can do. Please, please, stand!"

Looking at the others again, she stood, albeit uncertainly. He began examining her as closely as a slaver might his purchase. "Uh... find what you're looking for?"

"Oh, yes, yes! You will be perfect!"

"Perfect for what, exactly?"

"For being a dancer!" he exclaimed happily. "You have such a beautiful shape, slender, yet curved. Not to mention, your face is exquisite."

She blushed. "Oh, well, I guess I could-"

"Great! Here, I'll have my helpers get you dressed in this." he said, shoving an outfit into her arms and practically pushing her out the door. "Oh, Vogga will be so pleased!"

Her eyes widened. "Wait – Vogga? That slimy-"

She didn't have time to finish, as she was already being ushered out of the Cantina.

**. . .**

Jess was lead into Vogga the Hutt's apartments by a few of his guards and the Twi'lek whore-finder. She had to admit, the place was nice, as could be expected from a Hutt. They loved rich things, and spoiled themselves stupid given the chance. However, the Hutt himself was not so great to look at. She had to keep herself from making a face at his fat, slimy, wrinkled appearance.

"Uh, you sure you should be doing this?" Atton muttered in her ear.

"Don't have much choice, do I?" she asked.

"I just want you to know, I still respect you as my general." Bao Dur informed her.

"Thanks, Bao Dur."

"And now, I present to you," said the Twi'lek, bowing to Vogga. "The flower of Nar Shaddaa, the very best-"

"I wish to see dancing, not listen to your rehearsed speeches." Vogga interrupted. "Show me what she can do."

"Of course, of course. If you'll just step forward," he said, leading her further into the room until she stood before the slug.

Nervously, Jess brought up every memory of every female Twi'lek she'd seen in a Cantina and began trying to copy the movements. _Just don't look at him_, she thought. _Or the Kathounds. Ugh..._

Meanwhile, Atton was at war with himself.

Watching her made his blood boil, and he tried to suppress the thoughts he was having.

_Take her, break her, taste her flesh. Make her weep for mercy..._

Quiet, Jaq.

_She is a temptress. You must put her in her place._

Enough!

"Uh... Atton?" Bao Dur asked, looking at the human questioningly. "Are you well? You seem ill."

"I just... need some air." he said, walking out of the apartments.

"Very good." Vogga rumbled, watching Jess with shameless pleasure. "Come closer."

She did as commanded, and was suddenly snagged by the Hutt. "Eugh! Hey-"

"Calm yourself. I will not hurt you, delicate flower." he said. "I just wish to enjoy you at a lesser distance."

"What does _that_ mean?" she asked.

In answer, he ran his slimy tongue over her exposed arm. "Just a taste."

"Eugh! Get off!" she cried, wrenching herself from his grasp and falling to the floor.

"Just a taste." he muttered, drifting off to sleep like nothing had happened.

Jess stared at him from the floor, completely freaked out. "Um-"

"Are you okay, General?" Bao Dur asked, helping her up. His droid made a concerned noise above her.

"I'm fine. Just in serious need of the refresher." she said disgustedly. "Where's Atton?"

"He stepped out for a moment. Something about needing air." he answered.

"Alright, well... Let's find somewhere I can change, then we can move on." she told him as they left the apartments. Atton was leaning against the wall beside the door, looking oddly somber.

"Hey. How'd it go?" he asked, falling into step next to her.

She shuddered. "He licked me."

"Ugh, gross!" he exclaimed. "You were that good?"

"He's a slimy pervert, what did you think he'd do?" she asked. "Come on, I need to change."

**. . .**

**Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector**

"Stop!" cried a red Twi'lek man, jogging up to me.

"Oh, no, hide me." I said, ducking behind Bao Dur.

"No, no, I just wish to talk." he said. "My friend and I have some information for you."

"Is that so?" I asked, reemerging. "What is it?"

"It comes at a price." said his friend, a green Twi'lek.

"And it is for your ears alone." the red one added.

I looked at Bao Dur and he shrugged. "It's your call, General." he said.

"Okay, sure. I'll humor you, what's it about?" I asked, walking with them to a secluded corner.

"The man you travel with, the human." said the red one.

"Who? Atton?" I asked.

"That is not the name we knew him by." said the green one.

"He came many years ago to the smuggler's moon. But he is not who you think. He is a killer, tried and true."

"Okay... we're still talking about Atton, right?"

"You may be skeptical, but it is the truth." said the green one.

"We cannot tell you more. The rest you must decide for yourself." said the red one.

I stared at them for a moment, then handed them their twenty-five credits and turned away. Atton? A killer?

"What did they have to say?" Bao Dur asked.

I ignored him and pushed past to address my pilot. "Hey, Atton?"

"Yes, beautiful?" he asked as though nothing was amiss.

"There were a couple of guys I just talked to that said they knew you."

"Yeah?" he chuckled. "If I owe them money, I don't want to hear it."

"No, it... wasn't that." I said uncomfortably. "They said they knew you when you weren't Atton."

"Hey, I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be!" he exclaimed indignantly. "Yeah, I came to Nar Shaddaa a few years ago. So did a lot of refugees, what's your point?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked, surprised at his sudden aggression.

"Because you have to ask, the answer is obviously no, otherwise I would have come to you _myself_ and told you." he snapped.

"Look, I didn't mean any harm, it was just a question, alright?" I said. "I just like to know the people I'm traveling with."

"I let you keep your little secrets, don't I?" he asked.

"I don't have any secrets to keep! If you just ask, I'll tell you." I said.

"Doesn't matter. I let you do whatever, even when it's waving your ass around for a bunch of Hutts!"

"Alright, then, let's go!" I shouted. "Come on, you're on a roll. Let's get it out in the open, shall we?"

"I heard about Malachor Five!" he said. "I know all about what happened there! How do you live with yourself? Is that why you went back to the Council? Did you hope they would kill you?"

"Hey, it wasn't like that, okay? I went back because they told me to."

"Just lay down and take it, right? Just like all the other Jedi. If you'll remember, you'd still be stuck on Peragus if it wasn't for me! I don't even know why I bothered! All you Jedi are the same; manipulative, lying, only doing things for your own gain! You twist every action so it looks as though you're helping when really you're just driving the rest of us crazy!"

"And what have you ever done with your life?" I snapped. "Other than lay about drinking and playing cards? You don't know what it's like, Atton, to be at the galaxy's mercy! I follow the Jedi code, but you have no idea, do you? No idea what it is to be honorable!"

"I don't have time for this." he said, turning away.

"Uh uh, you're with me, buddy, and we've got all the time in the world." I informed him.

"Why do I even waste my time with you?" he asked venomously. "If you ask me, the Jedi deserved what they got in the wars. You should have been one of them."

"I was one of them!" I exclaimed. "I took as much part in that war as any of them! I had a life before that, you know! I had a life before exile, and I had a life before the Jedi! With everything I do, I have to start over! And yet you sit here and think I take glory for myself and leave others behind to suffer for it!"

"Because you do!" he argued. "All Jedi are the same!"

"Then maybe you're not paying enough attention." I said lowly, jabbing a finger into his chest.

"You might wanna back off, Princess." he snapped.

"Make me."

"Uh, General." Bao Dur interrupted nervously.

"What?" I snapped.

"I don't think it's wise to start a fight in the middle of the refugee sector." he said.

I took a step back and turned away, trying to fight the anger. It was emotion that got me into this mess in the first place. I didn't need Atton screwing up everything else for me.

"Saved by the mechanic." he taunted quietly.

"Just stay out of my way." I snapped, pushing roughly past him.

**. . .**

**Long chapter is long. I'm playing through the game again so I can get everything straight, and I got to the part in the Refugee Sector when the Twi'leks come up to you. I was like, "Oh, yeah, I kinda remember this..." Then I confronted Atton and had that angry conversation. I ATE IT UP! I love it when he just starts ripping into you. Maybe I'm masochistic like that. Or maybe it's because not every single team member you have in this game treats you like royalty or their best friend. Or maybe it's that his moodiness makes him more hawt. :3 The angst is strong with this one.**


	7. A Bigger Picture

He found her in the engine room, back supported by the starboard engine as she bounced a rubber ball against the port one. "Hey there." he said, keeping his voice light as he sat across from her, cutting off her pattern. "How are you holding up? Must have been something, being attacked by a gang, then getting attacked by a Sith apprentice."

She gave him a look. "Are you here to yell at me again?"

He decided not to go back to the argument. "I wanted to ask you a question. You said you had a life before the Jedi."

She looked away haughtily and began bouncing the ball off a space near him. "Why do you need to know?"

"You said you didn't have any secrets."

"You don't answer my questions, why should I answer yours?"

"You also said I could just ask and you'd answer."

"See previous answer."

He sighed. "Fine. I wasn't prying, just wanted to know."

She paused her throwing and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yeah, I had a life before the Jedi. I was trained in the Temple, but I wasn't raised there."

Atton settled down against the port engine, ready to hear her story.

"I grew up on Coruscant. My parents were Senators there, so I guess I was kind of a princess. I got all the latest clothes, finest foods, butlers, maids, servants, you name it."

"But you weren't happy." Atton guessed.

"Well, who would be when all your parents wanted in you was to improve their social status?" she asked. "I was supposed to go to medical school and become a doctor. They started schooling me when I was four so I could be top of my class. But that became obsolete when I was wandering the city one day.

"I was thirteen. I already knew I was different from everyone else. I didn't know it was the Force at the time, but I knew I was special. As I was walking through the marketplace, a man in brown robes stopped me. He asked me my name, then told me I was very important. I didn't think much of that, since I was like a princess and everything. Then he told me that I had the mark of the Force, that it flowed within me. Of course, I'd heard of the Force before. I asked him if this meant I was a Jedi. He told me I could be, if I wanted to, and all I had to do was go with him to their Temple."

"I'm sure your parents couldn't have hoped for a better social perk." Atton said.

"Actually, they hated the idea." she said. "They despised the fact that I was different now, and wanted to keep it under wraps. It didn't matter how much I argued, they just didn't listen. So I ran away, found the man, and began living at the Temple. I never heard from my parents again, not even when I was exiled." She took a breath and stared off into space for a moment. "I left everything I had to become a Jedi. I wanted to be one because they stood for something good, and I believed in all their teachings so much that I was willing to leave my world behind. Then you came along and told me we were all liars and manipulators, and here we are."

The jab stung, but he wouldn't take his words back. He didn't believe he was wrong, so he wouldn't apologize. "Yeah, I guess."

She looked at the floor, knees drawn up to her chest. Then, wordlessly, she stood and exited the room, throwing the ball as hard as she could to the side as she turned left down the hall. Atton watched it ricochet off the port engine, fly to the right down the hallway, and was mildly pleased to hear a solid _twank_ and T3's indignant beeping.

So she was a princess. An exiled, Jedi princess bent on saving the galaxy. Yeah, that wasn't convoluted at all.

**. . .**

**Atton's a dick. But you gotta give him props; he doesn't back down on his beliefs. I guess that counts for something maybe kinda notreally. **


	8. Damsel in Distress

**Nar Shaddaa**

"What do you mean, '_she's been captured_'?" Atton asked testily.

"What do you _think_ it means, blockhead?" Mira demanded. "We don't really have time for this. If we don't get your pretty girlfriend back, she'll either be killed or used as decoration, and I'll have been cheated out of my bounty."

Atton's mouth formed a tight line, but he didn't say anything against Mira's reasoning. If it helped them rescue Jess, he wouldn't complain. "Fine. How do we find her?"

"I assume she's on Goto's yacht." she said. "But that thing never stays in the same spot. There's no way to board it without invitation unless you're one of Vogga's freighters."

"What? Why does that matter?" he asked.

"I don't know, Vogga must have pissed him off. Anyway, Goto captures the slug's cargo ships and they don't come back, and don't reach their destination. No one knows how he's doing it, but he manages to get every one."

"Then we need to look like one of Vogga's ships." he concluded.

"Good luck." she snorted. "You'd need an ID signature for that. And the only place to get one is in Vogga's droid warehouse, so unless you've got a droid to sell, you're not getting anything."

Atton's eyes lit up a tiny bit. "Would that droid have to come back?"

"Well, yeah, if you're gonna get the ID signature. But after that, you can send it back in, I guess." she said uncertainly.

"Good enough, come on."

**. . .**

**Goto's Yacht**

"We are going to _die_!" Mira hissed as they hid from a couple droids.

"Quit whining." Atton panted, equally worn out. They both had numerous wounds from droid blasters and were at the breaking point. They wouldn't last much longer, and Atton knew that, but if pretending helped them to keep moving, he would do it.

"We don't even know where she is." Mira said.

"On the bridge, _obviously_." he said. "That's where I'd keep her." At a look from the bounty hunter, he added. "Well – if I was Goto – I mean – 'cause I wouldn't normally-"

"Just shut up." she said.

Atton peered around the corner, then leaned against the wall. "You know what, let's just skip this room." he said. "Just cut straight through to the bridge."

"If it gets us out of here faster, I won't complain." she said, pushing off from the wall and following him.

The tension they felt mounted with every room they entered, one of which had droids they had to shoot down. The fear of not knowing if and how many were beyond each door was almost terrifying.

Finally, they reached the bridge, after Mira had to disable about thirty mines to get through the hall. "Ready?" Atton asked, hand poised over the button. "There could be anything in the next room."

"Well, if we die, it's not like I can say, 'I change my mind'." she answered dryly. "Go on."

He hit the button, and the first thing they saw were the ten droids grouped about thirty feet away. So they started shoot, to get a head start. Two went down, but the rest kept coming and grouped around them. Mira was sure she was going to die, but she kept fighting anyway. There were too many, they'd never make it-

Suddenly, a huge electrical explosion occurred, taking out the rest of the droids left standing. She looked over at Atton, since he had obviously been the one to do it. "How did you do that?"

"I-I didn't even know I _did_." he answered.

"Well, doesn't matter. Come on, your princess is right up there." she said, hefting her gun and pointing at the doors behind the control panel. They ran to the one on the right, and Atton hesitated before opening it. What would he find behind the door? Would he see Jess in that dancer's outfit, forced to entertain Goto? Or would she be in a cage? Or maybe lying broken on the floor, this time beyond any hope of repair? Were they already too late? Screwing up his courage, he hit the button, not stopping to think about it.

Inside, Jess sat on the floor, arm resting on her bent knee. She looked at them and gave a small smile. "Took you long enough." she said, accepting Atton's proffered hand and standing. Then, she seemed to remember she was angry with him, and pulled her hand back as though scalded. "Come on. I have the codes to shut down the droids. We should be able to get through safely."

Mira raised an eyebrow. "You couldn't have turned them off _before_?"

"There's no terminal in here." Jess answered. "Anyway, we don't have time to argue. You guys look dead on your feet, so we should get back to the Ebon Hawk as soon as possible."

**. . .**

**Ebon Hawk**

"Hello, General." Bao Dur said when Jess wandered into the garage. "Glad to see you back in one piece. There was a scary moment when we thought you weren't coming back."

"I'm alright now, thanks." she said with a smile. "You know I always come back."

"That you do, General." he answered.

She left the garage and almost immediately encountered T3. "Oh, hey, buddy. I've been meaning to ask, how did you get that ID signature for the ship? I can't imagine they just gave it to you."

He emitted several beeping noises, and she looked taken aback. "What? They _did_? What did you say?" More beeps. "You just _asked_ for it? You just strolled in and-" He cut her off, and she raised an eyebrow. "He _sold_ you? I... I don't know how to take that." T3 beeped in an explanatory fashion, and she shrugged. "Well, if you're okay with it, I guess..."

He rolled away so he could get back to work, and she continued wandering the ship. She really wanted to find Atton, but she didn't know what to say. After a while, she'd found she couldn't really stay mad at him. Perhaps it was leftover from her Jedi training. Or maybe she just liked him too much. And he _had_ come to her rescue, right? So maybe he liked her, too. But what about all that Jedi talk? She decided she would go to the cockpit, to ask him his motives for rescuing her.

"Hey, Atton?" she said, leaning against the door frame of the dark room.

"Yeah, beautiful?" he asked, not even turning to look at her.

"Uh... thanks for rescuing me."

"Don't mention it."

She waited a moment. "Er – don't you wanna talk about it?"

He looked back at her and shrugged. "What's to talk about? You were captured, we got you back, and here we are."

"Yeah, but you almost died trying to rescue me."

"Sure. I mean, who else was gonna lead us to save the galaxy? Sure as hell wouldn't have been me or Mira. And _definitely_ not that old witch you've got in the back."

Jess couldn't help but snort, but his words still bothered her. "So... that was it? You had to get me back because no one else could lead the mission?"

"Well, not _just_ that." he said, and she lifted her head a little. "The thought of being cheated out of a bounty had Mira mad as a Wookie. "

Her heart sank. "Oh... okay. I'll just... go see what GO-TO's up to, then. Hopefully he's not destroying the place."

"We need a cage or something for him." Atton agreed.

"Or I could just lock him in a room with my HK." she said. "I don't know if I told you, but T3 gave me the rest of the parts to rebuild him."

"Is _that_ why I heard the word 'meatbag' being tossed around earlier." he mused.

She couldn't bring herself to smile. It was like he truly didn't care about her. For someone who couldn't help but care about the people around her, it was a new experience. "I'll just go check on them, then."

"Okay, see ya, Princess." he said.

She lingered for a moment longer, then turned to leave.

"Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

He looked back at her. "Maybe later we can play a game of Pazaak."

"You know I'm terrible at that game."

"Republic Senate rules, then." he said. "Maybe I can teach you a thing or two."

She gave a small smile. "After dinner. I'll bring you some food, then we can play."

"I'll be waiting."

No, he didn't truly care. But it was fun to act like he did.

**. . .**

**That thing with the droids exploding? It sounds hard to believe, but _true story, man_. I kid you not, I was playing as Mira, and all of a sudden, when I though I was about to die, they just randomly exploded. All of them. At the same time. I figured Atton _somehow_ managed to do something right, but I couldn't really ask him about it, so it remains a mystery. **

**This will probably be the last chapter until I can start playing again, because this is where I stopped. I share the x-box with two siblings, so forgive me. The next chapter will probably involve the making of her new, temporary lightsaber.**


	9. Of Weapons and Honesty

**Sorry for the delays, my lovelies. Fanfiction was having some problems, and for some reason I couldn't get to my document manager. All fixed now!**

**. . .**

**Ebon Hawk: Garage**

"Bao Dur?" I called, peeking into the garage.

"I'm here, General." he said, wiping grease from his hands. "What is it?"

"I think I have all the parts for a lightsaber." I told him.

"Let me see." he said, reaching for the pieces. He examined them, then nodded. "Now all you need is a little quiet time with the workbench. Here, I'll help you get set up."

**. . .**

"There." he said as I held up my new weapon. "Satisfied?" 

I made a noncommittal noise as I looked at it. It was double-bladed, like my last one. But the crystal was yellow, not silver. "It's just different, you know?"

"I'm not sure where you'd find a new crystal to put in that thing." Bao Dur said. "You'll have to make due with yellow."

I stood back and switched it on, watching as the golden blades extended. "I guess." I sighed. "Thanks, Bao Dur. Now, maybe I'll actually be able to fight."

"You were pretty deadly with blasters and blades before." he reminded me.

"But now I'll be done fighting ten times faster." I pointed out. "I'm gonna go threaten Atton with this. See you later."

"Call if you need anything."

**. . .**

_Autopilot causes the mind to drift._

**Ebon Hawk: Cockpit**

He always thought about her. She was sitting right next to him, and still his mind was conjuring up different images. Most of the time, they were of her in that dancer's outfit on Nar Shaddaa. Sinful, he knew, and for some reason it caused him equal amounts of discomfort and lust.

_You want her_.

Go away, Jaq. I'm done with you.

_It's the legs. You know it's the legs. _

I said, knock it off.

_And the breasts. No shortage of those, is there?_

Why are you doing this? This doesn't even help you.

_I like watching you squirm._

Atton shook his head and shifted the controls a bit to keep them on course.

_But do you know why I think you long for her?_

I'm sure I don't care.

_Because she knows what pain is like. She knows what it is to not be whole, to be broken beyond repair. She knows what it is to not be wanted._

That hit home. Jaq, of course, knew every soft spot. Jaq was Atton, but Atton was certainly not Jaq.

_But you know, don't you? You can want her and lust for her, you can even become a different person for her. But you know you will never have her. She is better than you will ever deserve. She was broken because she believed in what she did. You were broken because you're a murderer. Of her own people, nonetheless._

Stop. I get it.

_You. Are. Alone._

"Atton?" Jess said, leaning forward in the chair beside his. "Are you okay?"

He looked up at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just look a little out of it." she told him. "If you want to go sleep, I'm sure I can handle things up here-"

"Nah. No need to get your nails chipped, Sweetheart, I can take care of it." he said confidently, fiddling with a couple more controls. When she didn't look away, he rolled his eyes. "I'm _fine_, Jess. There's nothing to worry about."

"Okay," she said, sounding as though she was still uncertain. "I'm gonna go check on Visas, then see if I can upgrade T3."

"Have fun." he said over his shoulder as she walked to the door.

She lingered there for a moment. "Er... Atton?"

He turned the chair around to look at her, carefully making sure his expression betrayed nothing. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to talk about something I've kinda picked up on during my travels." she said uncomfortably.

"What's that?"

She looked at him with... was that pity? "Sometimes the most dangerous thing about lying is that people might believe you."

"Well of course they do." he said casually, turning back around to hide his slight surprise. Did she know? "Why else would someone lie? I don't see how that's dangerous."

There was a beat of silence, then, "Right. It was just an observation. Night, Atton."

"Night, Jess."

He listened to her footsteps die away and sighed. Who was he kidding? Of course she knew.

**. . .**

**Aww, poor, angsty Atton. You should know better by now: The exile knows _everything_. But you should remember, she was alone, too, once. **

**Also, for anyone who cares, _I totally found Atton's theme song_! It's called Bite My Tongue by Relient K. I feel like it's perfect.**


	10. A Dose of Humility

**Dxun**

"How soon can you get the ship up and running?" I snapped with a little more venom than I meant.

"I don't know, Princess, why don't you fix it and find out?" he retorted.

My mouth formed a tight line as I crossed my arms impatiently. Dxun was flooded with bad memories, and, of course, we'd been forced to land there because _somebody_ started trying to shoot us out of the sky. "So what now?"

"I don't know. I picked up the signal of another ship landing here. Why don't you go and see who it is?" he said with a bit of a scathing tone.

"Fine."

I stormed out of the Ebon Hawk, resisting every fiber of my being that was screaming, _No! Don't go out there!_ "Bao Dur! Visas!"

"I am here to serve-"

"Yes, General?" they said at almost the same time.

"You're with me. Let's go." I said, opening the hatch and jumping off the ship. A shiver went down my spine as I landed. _Right over there, I killed four Mandalorians_.

"You're remembering, aren't you?" Bao Dur asked quietly.

"I'd rather not talk about it. Let's just keep moving."

**. . .**

**Mandalorian Camp**

"So who are you supposed to be?" I asked the Mandalorian standing in front of me.

"I'm Mandalore, leader of the Mandalorians." he said proudly, holding his head up.

I raised an eyebrow. "That's not right. We killed Mandalore in the wars."

"Well, that one, yes. It's tradition that the strongest warrior succeeds the previous Mandalore. I happened to get the honor of having the job." he answered, if a bit icily.

"Still, what could you be leader of, anyway? You're all that's left."

"Not true." he said firmly. "We're all over the galaxy. I've been finding them and returning them to who they were supposed to be. Not these two-credit bounty hunters working for cheap pay. Honorable warriors, who took pride in the fight."

"Great, so now we can have warmongering idiots roaming the galaxy again." I said sarcastically. "At least when you're bounty hunters you don't do much damage. If you try to destroy the galaxy again, I will end you."

"Duly noted."

**. . .**

**Onderon**

"I used to love Onderon." I said sadly, looking around.

"But now..." Mira said, trailing off.

"Hate it." I told her, looking at all the turret guns and scared people attempting to look fine. "Hate it a lot. Everyone here is all, 'Help, help, I'm being oppressed!'"

"Hm. That sounds very 'Dark Jedi' of you." she observed.

I winced and backpeddled. "No, wait, I – I want to help these people. There's just... so _many_. It's worse than Nar Shaddaa."

"Well, when the entire government is at war with itself, I can imagine things get pretty tough." she said.

"Here we are. This is Dhagon Ghent's place." Mandalore said as we reached a house. Or, what passed as a house on Onderon.

"Well, let's have a little chat with him, shall we?" I said, opening the door. The house was empty.

"If you're looking for Ghent, you're not gonna find him in there." said a nearby scavenger.

I turned to look at him. "And why not?"

"He's been arrested. Convicted of murder."

"Who did he kill?" Mira demanded.

"I don't know, some Captain Suulio or something. You'll have to talk to the general or someone higher up." he said, moving on.

I sighed. "Great. Things aren't bad enough, I get to solve a murder. Awesome."

"Look on the bright side, at least it won't be boring." Mandalore put in.

"Oh, no. I'd _love_ a good dose of boring right now."

**. . .**

**Ebon Hawk**

"Hey, you're back!" Atton said happily as I walked onto the ship.

"Cut the party. Is the ship ready to go?" I snapped.

"She'll fly."

"Great, let's go." I said, heading to the main room.

What's the rush?" he asked.

"Somehow, word got out that I'm apparently very dangerous, so every person on Onderon is hunting me right now." I said angrily. "I _hate_ this freakin' planet!"

"Okay, where to?"

"Korriban."

He did a double-take. "The Sith planet?"

"I'll take my chances. Just get us over there." I commanded.

"Whatever you say, princess." he said resignedly, beginning to plot our course.

**. . .**

**Ebon Hawk: Night**

"Jess."

She was standing before him, her back turned. A deep red cloak with the hood up masked her visage, but he knew it was her. He could feel it. Slowly, almost tauntingly, she lowered her hood and turned towards him.

He took a step back in surprise and shock. Those eyes he knew, the chocolate brown he'd become so accustomed to, were no more, replaced by shining yellow. "There you are, Atton." she said, voice low and full of power. "I thought you'd never come."

He didn't like the look on her face, but at the same time, he couldn't resist it. She was giving him a small smile, a borderline smirk, with eyes heavily lidded. "I..."

"Will Jaq be joining us?" she asked, undoing the strings of her cloak and letting it fall. The breath caught in Atton's chest as he looked at her. Red dress, parts of it were see-through and her curves were unmistakeable, with gold jewelry. Even her hair was different. She wore it long and curled, with a jeweled band of metal adorning her hairline to keep the brown locks out of her face. At his silence, she continued. "Shame. I do so enjoy his company. No matter. Would you like some tea, Atton?" she asked, swirling the contents of a cup with the Force.

"N-no. No tea." he managed, still staring at her dark beauty in awe.

"That's alright." she said, coming towards him. "We can just skip to the good part."

The second her lips touched his and her hands glided across his body, he stopped being Atton. Jaq was back, attacking her hungrily. It wasn't so much passion as a need for domination, and that was something the Dark Jedi also wanted.

Atton sat up, ramrod straight. "No!" he cried to the empty room.

He could hear a low chuckling in his head. _Poor, poor Atton. He likes his bad girls, but can't seem to rid himself of the goody-two-boots Jedi._

He threw the covers away in frustration, getting to his feet. Get out of my head, Jaq.

_I can't. I'm you._

No. Not anymore. Not _ever_ again.

_You're so blind. You know if she wasn't so pure you'd be on her in a second._

That's not true. I respect her, something you'll never know.

_Idiot, you think respect is the way to her heart? You are nothing to her. A simple pilot of the piece of schutta ship she's forced to use to save the galaxy. What you do doesn't matter. She will always be a Jedi princess, and you will always be a murdering thief._

"Atton?"

He came to a sudden halt, having not noticed the exile as he walked to the cockpit. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking concerned. "You look like... I don't know, like you're angry about something."

"It's fine. I just had a bad dream." he assured her, trying to squeeze past her through the hallway.

She blocked his path. "Atton, you know I'll listen, right? Whatever you have to say, you can tell me."

"I appreciate the effort, Sweetheart, but you might want to keep your nose out of other people's business." he said harshly. "I don't pry into your oh-so-secret life, do I?"

She looked hurt as she took a step back. "Alright, fine, I withdraw the question. Go have fun with your stupid ship."

"Go play around with your stupid lightsaber."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They stared each other down for a moment, then pushed past one another rather roughly. "Piece of schutta." she muttered.

"Jumped-up princess." he cursed.

**. . .**

**I _hate _Onderon. So much. You cannot fathom.**

**In other news, Atton's being a dick and Jess is oblivious to his interests and his alter ego. Business as usual. Sorry for updating so slowly, I'm losing my mojo for this and haven't played in a while. I have writer's A.D.D. and sometimes the going gets slow.**


	11. Hallucinations and Temptations

**Korriban**

"Okay, we're here." Atton said. "Sure you wanna go out there?"

"Yeah." I said tensely, pulling on my glove. "And I want you and Bao Dur with me."

"Really? 'Cause, you know, I'm much better at watching the ship-"

"I picked up a new blaster for you on Onderon." I interrupted. "Omega Mark Five."

His eyes grew huge. "Those things are illegal in most of the galaxy."

"I know. I got it off of some guy who was selling 'interesting' supplies." I said off-handedly as I checked my lightsaber. "Figured you might want to test it out."

"Lead the way, princess." he said.

The three of us walked outside, listening to Kreia's cryptic warnings and her refusal to leave the ship. We didn't heed them, but we pretended to for her sake. Well, Bao Dur and I did. Atton just whistled and checked out his new gun.

"Whoa." Atton said as we walked away from the ship. "It looks really..."

"Dead." I said flatly. "Yeah. I know."

"General, maybe we could use some of the items-"

"We're not looting the bodies." I commanded. "If the Sith used it, I don't want it. Besides, we don't need anything, anyway. We're here to find a Jedi Master and that's all."

The boys silently agreed with me, and we continued our trek across the deserted land. We came to what looked like the entrance to a cave, and I was about to go in when Kreia's voice stopped me.

"_I am sensing a great power within this cave. I would not enter it until you are done searching the school. There is something important to be found here."_

"Change of plans, guys." I said, turning to the left. "We'll come back later."

"Why?" Atton asked.

"Because... I don't want to go in there yet." I said evasively.

"Kreia was talking to you again, wasn't she?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

"You were making faces." he answered simply.

I rolled my eyes and lead them to the Sith school. "Come on, let's see what's in here."

**. . .**

"For the last time, will you _quit walking through the poison_?" I snapped, shoving yet another antidote pack at Atton.

"Not my fault." he said weakly, leaning against the wall as he turned fifty shades of green. "They're fast."

"I can get through." Bao Dur said pointedly, making my mouth turn up a little.

"We can't all be perfect like you, Bao Dur." Atton retorted, his color slowly turning back to normal as he injected the antidote.

"So, the Jedi has finally come."

My grin disappeared as I whirled around. There, in front of me, was the cracked, dead-looking Sith Lord that had taken Kreia's hand. I ignited my lightsaber, getting into an attack position. "What do you want?"

"The old woman uses you for a pawn." he said in a gravely voice. "You mean nothing to her."

"She doesn't exactly mean the world to me, either. What does this have to do with our situation?" I asked, hoping Kreia wasn't telepathically eavesdropping.

"It is better for me to kill you now than leave you to her hands." he said. "It is better this way. She will only make you into an abomination."

"Oh, like you?" I shot back.

"Yes."

I was a little taken aback. "What do you want with Kreia, anyway? How do you know her?"

"She taught me once, as she now teaches you." he said. "And this is what I have become. I want to kill her using the weapon she created."

"You'll have to get through me first." I said, leaping into action.

Almost immediately, I heard Kreia's panicked voice in my mind. _"Jess! This is a Sith Lord! He is much too powerful for you!"_

"So what do I do?" I grunted as I held him off, Atton and Bao Dur shooting at the Sith assassins that had materialized.

"_Now is a very good time to run. Run!"_

"Let's go!" I called, disengaging from the Sith Lord and fleeing to the exit. I'd never run from a fight, but, oddly, this felt like a fantastic course of action. The Sith didn't follow us, so I thought that was an added bonus.

"Where do we go?" Atton asked.

"To the cave!" I said. "Hopefully they'll leave us alone if we go in there!"

**. . .**

I stared at the purple-tinted entrance to an even deeper cave. I could tell this was where the power was emanating from. I could also tell I would have to go in alone. "Atton, Bao Dur," I said quietly. "Stay here."

"But, General, I don't think that's wise." Bao Dur said.

"Yeah, Jess, I mean, cave infested with shyrak, who knows what's in there." Atton warned.

"Doesn't matter." I said. "I have to go. Don't follow me."

They didn't answer, but stepped back. I turned and walked into the cave, unsure of what exactly I would find.

**. . .**

I had no idea how long I'd been in the cave. My nerves where completely fried, and I was certain that the next thing to jump out at me would cause me to snap.

With a thundering heart, I opened the next stone door. In the room stood... Kreia.

"You have come farther than I thought." she said.

"What?"

"Of course, I shouldn't be surprised."

"Oh, I get it." I said shakily. "This is another vision."

"I can understand your confusion, but no. This is real." she said.

"But – how did you get here? You said you wouldn't set foot on the planet." I spluttered.

"Jess! Get back!"

I turned to see Atton run into the room, looking determined. "Atton? I told you to stay-"

"Listen to me, she's bad." he said. "Don't trust her."

"Why-"

"Quiet, fool!" Kreia snapped. "She and I have things to discuss privately."

"If you think I'm leaving her alone with you, you've got another think coming!" he yelled. I couldn't believe it. This was entirely out of character for Atton, attempting to be so heroic even though he was clearly scared out of his mind.

"I told you to leave!" Kreia said, drawing her lightsaber.

"Hey, now, no need for that." I said quickly.

"You touch him, I pull the trigger."

I looked again and now Bao Dur was there, pointing his blaster at Kreia. "What is this? What's going on?"

"Stay back, Bao Dur." Kreia said darkly.

"You pull a lightsaber on Atton and just expect me to stay back?" he asked. "No."

_Bao Dur is defending Atton now_? I thought in bewilderment.

"You _all_ wish to fight me?" she asked, and it was then I realized my _entire crew_ was here.

"She can't be trusted." Atton insisted to me. "She's Dark Side, Jess, I'm telling you!"

"Help us bring her down." Bao Dur said.

"I – I-" I looked around, completely confused and unsure of what to do. "You do whatever you want. I'm staying out of this."

"It's your choice." Atton said, aiming his blaster and letting loose.

Before my very eyes, my crew attacked Kreia with a vengeance. She was strong, but they were stronger. I watched as they took her apart and finally killed her.

And then, all at once, they vanished, and I was alone again.

My heart was beating a million miles a minute, and I actually collapsed to the ground. I must have been going crazy. That was the only explanation. Down on all fours, I took deep breaths, trying to regain some sanity. After a few seconds, or maybe it was an hour, I got back to my feet and opened the next door. I just had to keep pressing on, because there was nowhere else to go.

"Hello, Princess."

My fear evaporated instantly. This room was not cold, like the others. It was warm, and torches burned brightly all around. I felt... Strong.

Atton stood before me, but this was, again, not the Atton I knew. He still had his cocksure smile, but his eyes were a bit colder, and he was wearing black, fine clothes. And yet he seemed... familiar.

"Hello." I said, unsure why I was saying it.

"You look ravishing, as usual."

I looked down to see that I was wearing an elaborate red dress with lots of gold jewelry. It made me briefly recall my life as a royal until I looked back into Atton's gray eyes. He was very close to me, and as I stood he put a hand on my waist, looking down into my eyes. "I just can't resist."

His lips traveled down my neck, causing an odd, electric feeling to flow through me. I glanced to the side and saw a mirror on the wall. The breath caught in my throat as I realized my eyes, once brown, were yellow.

"No!" I shouted, shoving against Atton's chest. The second I did so, everything vanished; torches, mirror, fancy clothes, Atton himself, all of it. And I was alone.

"These are tests." I said to myself. "I have to make the right decisions. I've _been _making the right decisions. I just... have to leave." I took a steadying breath and continued forward.

"_This is the end."_

I nearly jumped a foot in the air. _"Kreia?"_ I thought in alarm.

"_This is the end of the cave. There should be an exit nearby."_

I calmed down a little, realizing her words weren't nearly as threatening as I initially thought. _"Okay. I'll be out soon."_

"_We are waiting."_

After examining the room for a moment, I found an exit point and found myself back at the opening to the cave. Alone.

"Atton?" I called. "Bao Dur?"

The boys were gone. After making absolutely sure of that, I decided to head out of the cave. We'd already eradicated the shyrak, so I got out relatively easily. From there, all I had to do was cross through the Sith graveyard and get back on the ship. I had an odd feeling in the back of my mind, and it was only when I got there that I realized it was because nothing had attacked me.

"Hey," Atton said, looking at me in surprise as I got on the _Ebon Hawk_. "Anything to report? What happened?"

I was still a bit muddled from my trip in the cave, and I tried to sort through my thoughts. "W-why did you leave?"

"You were in there for two days." he said. "I finally convinced Bao Dur to leave after half a day."

"_Two days_?" That explained his slightly panicked look. "I didn't know-"

"Hey, it's okay, you're alive, we're good." he assured me. "Seriously, what happened?"

"I – I don't really know. There were all these visions and – and shyrack, and – I really don't understand half the stuff that went on and I want to talk to Kreia about it, but then again I _really_ don't and it's just-"

"Jess, _Jess_." he said, grabbing my shoulders. "Calm down. You're falling apart."

I took a breath. I was scaring him now. "Okay. I'm calm."

"Good. Now, doesn't Visas know a thing or two about the Force and stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Then maybe you can talk to her." he said. "You don't _always_ have to run to Kreia."

I nodded, taking another breath. "It's just... what I saw in the cave..."

"Hey, you don't need to go into it." he said.

"General," said Bao Dur, entering the main room. "We have a message from your Master Kavar. He needs you on Onderon immediately."

"Oh, _great_, we get to go _back_." I said acidly. "Alright, Atton. You know what to do."


	12. The Pazaak Technique

**Yo, whaddup everybody. I probably still won't finish this fic, but I realized that I failed to write the scene containing the single best line in the entire game. So, years later, here it is. The writing style has changed a bit (I'm gonna say very much improved), so it was a good time to hash this out. Enjoy.**

**. . .**

We were still hours away from Onderon, and passing the time with Kreia had, again, proved to be unsettling. The cockpit was dim save for the bright lights of the dashboard, as usual. The glow illuminated Atton's face, highlighting the stress present there. I wondered again what he was hiding from me, what he was hiding from everyone. At least he wasn't so brusque with me anymore. Well, no more than he was with everyone else.

I also wondered if he knew what I'd just been doing. His level of concentration was absolute, and I envied it.

"Atton?" I said quietly, hand resting lightly on the back of the copilot seat.

"Yeah?" Just 'yeah' this time. No nicknames or banter. He was exhausted.

"I was just with Kreia. She was giving me another lesson," I said.

He exhaled. "Oh, great. Did she show you Force Choke? I hear that's a popular move with renegades."

I took a seat. "She was showing me how to listen. _Really_ listen, the way she does when she talks to me from far away."

He glanced at me, a gravity behind his eyes that I wasn't really expecting. It only furthered my theory that he knew, at least to some degree. "That one's popular with all of you," he said.

I ignored the fact that he was lumping me in with all the other Jedi and Sith. It wasn't the time to start another fight, not with so precarious a situation. "I reached out, and I heard. I realize that's not something you're comfortable with, and I wanted to apologize."

Now he really looked at me, surprise mingled with the slight anger I'd been expecting. "I knew a lot of Jedi who did the mind thing. Liked to listen in, it was just their way. A lot of them do it without even realizing. Nobody ever _apologized_, though."

"It just seemed like you could feel me," I said. "Everyone else had their personal thoughts, but here you were playing pazaak. Is it that dull up here?"

His mouth tightened slightly. "No. It's just something I learned to do. You're not interesting nor are you left wide open if you think of something unimportant."

I sat quietly for a moment. I hated feeling like I had to censor myself when I wanted to know so much. "What are you hiding?" I asked in almost a whisper.

"Nothing. I just don't like people getting into my head. Would you?"

No, I wouldn't. I thought back to the cave on Korriban, and to other Sith who had dug through my brain with dirty fingernails. If I'd had better defenses, would those have never happened the way they did? "Can you teach me how to guard my mind?" I asked.

"No, I can teach you how to play pazaak. Understand?"

My brow furrowed. "But… I thought you were-"

He turned to me, all traces of irritation gone. He knew what I was asking, he just wanted to make sure I said it in so many words. "I'm just playing a card game."

I looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "Then can you teach me how to play pazaak?"

He gave a slight smile. "Now you're getting it. C'mere."

He pulled out a deck of cards and laid them on the console between us. He'd already been teaching me the rules for a while, and I was still terrible (_way_ too many numbers to keep track of), but this lesson was different. He didn't focus on what I should have been learning, but what I was already doing.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"How to make these add to twenty," I replied.

"And it's taking all your concentration, isn't it? Especially right now. That's a wall right there that people can't get past."

I looked up at him, forgetting the cards for a moment. "And this does work, right?" I asked. "Tried and true, this will keep them out of my head?"

"On my honor," he said, raising a hand. "Well, what little I have, anyway." He looked at me for a moment, brow slightly creased like he was getting worried. "You okay?"

I exhaled, then glanced at the doorway. "It's Kreia. She makes me nervous, and she can get into my mind so easily. I don't have too many secrets, but I can still be broken. I _need_ everything I can get."

"Hey, nobody's breaking the Jedi, alright? I promise," he said, putting a hand on mine. We both looked down, somewhat surprised at the action. He went to remove it, but I turned my palm and clasped his fingers. They were rough, calloused from blaster burns and gripping controls too tightly. Mine were just as scarred.

Sometimes, my exile seemed good. Keeping emotions repressed as a true Jedi so I wouldn't fall made them all the more intense when I did feel them. Since being ejected from the order, I was free to feel. There were some moments when there was a galaxy of pain or happiness inside of me, and I could make up for lost time.

What I felt then, with Atton's fingers in mine, was a foreign galaxy. I didn't know what this was, had never felt it before, but it felt good.

I registered that my reaction might have seemed odd to him, because he was giving me a weird look. I didn't want to let go just yet, and he was making no moves to do it himself. Looking at his face, at his dark eyes, I could feel that galaxy expanding. I wanted to say so many things, but couldn't sum it up if I tried. "Safe," was all I could manage.

He nodded, then leaned forward, looking intently into my own eyes. "Safe," he agreed. He removed his hand from my hold only to brush hair gently away from my face. "So if anyone - light or dark - tries to reach you, they can't. Because you'll be right here, with me, playing pazaak."

This wasn't said with his usual charm and flair. He meant it, every word, as a comfort and a promise, a way to soothe a scared and aching soul. I almost had no choice. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, my eyes shutting tight against the emotions gripping me.

Both of his hands were on my face, pulling me closer. His mouth opened slightly, inviting me in, and a quick peek told me his eyes were shut tighter than mine.

He pulled back, but he still rested his forehead against mine. "I shouldn't have done that," he murmured.

"But you did," I whispered back.

He opened his eyes again and looked at me, nodding slightly. "Yep. We did."

"And?"

His eyes fell closed again, and then another kiss. "I really shouldn't have," he breathed.


End file.
